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Sunday, January 09, 2005

(I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea

I've re-done my homepage. Admittedly, I know virtually nothing about HTML. My first attempt truly shows as much, but I'm hesitant to put up the revised version until I put some time between my creating it and publishing it. However, the lucky reader(s) of this portion of the site can view both examples here, and make their decision on which is better by commenting at the portion at the bottom of this post!

1. The old one
2. The new one

Women who are to some extent resistant, whom one cannot possess at once, whom one does not even know at first whether one will ever possess, are the only interesting ones.

Marcel Proust said this, and he's right. Looking back, I can see that the only girls I actually gave a damn about were the ones who made me work for it. It would be a lie to say that I haven't cared at all about certain girls who I've been involved with who didn't make me work for it, but they are however in a very different category than the two that I put at the top of the "was actually upset when things were over between us" list.

On a separate but similar note, I'm willing to bet that mankind would be so much further along in our innovation and design if we were able to turn sexual desire and lust on and off at will. How much time is wasted through acts of or relating to sex? The flirting, the worrying, the daydreaming, the fantasizing, the self-pleasure, the act of sex itself not for procreation but for fun, all seem like activities that all lead to absolutely but nothing but the beginning of the same cycle.

Sometimes I think I should resolve not to have sex outside of a relationship. That, of course, is the wiser, more mature, me. Alternatively, the me that actually exists from day to day wants to bang every girl that leans over when wearing a thong and low-rise jeans.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that people are in complete control over their lives. I don't believe in fate or destiny. I am aware, for example, that I'm not getting laid currently because I'm putting so much energy into working on content for the website, design for the website, writing a biography, and researching the history of rock music. It's unfortunate that I can't eat my cake and have it too, that I can't have some girl who is willing to come around to have sex with me whenever I want to and go home directly afterwards, especially since I can't be bothered to take the time to do the stuff that comes with being in a relationship at the moment. It's also unfortunate (and probably slightly more likely a scenario) that the Me That Exists From Day To Day doesn't involve a little more of Wise Me in his thoughts and decisions.


1 Comments:

Blogger Ben said...

Zane! Your mix of non-fatalistic fatalism and your intermittant shoulder-shruggy wisdom would make you a fantastic Catholic. Good post, amen on the "very different category" remark, I was just thinking about that today.

4:36 PM  

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