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Saturday, February 05, 2005

A Conversation With A Woman Re: Whether Humanity Would Be Better Off If Children Ruled The World

She looked out to the horizon thoughtfully. "The world is so crazy, I sometimes think we'd all be better off if we let the children decide things."

"What?"

"They're not like adults, they still have imagination and creativity--they haven't been weighted down by the troubles in the world."

"I don't know," I said. "Children are basically animals until they're socialized."

"You must dislike children, and that's really sad, because children are the future," she replied.

"That's not true. I like kids alot, but lets be honest, not a single one of them would refrain from murder unless they were too stupid to figure out how guns work. I mean, kids are fantastically manipulative, but I still think they're pretty amazing, the way they learn things, etc."

She sighed at my stupidity. "Well, maybe when you have a kid of your own you'll change your mind."

My asshole clinched up with annoyance. "You mean change my mind about them being animals? I hope I don't fucking change my mind, because then I'll basically be raising another one of the destructive little nihilists that seem to rule the planet nowadays."

"You're going to be the worst father," she said with the utmost empathy and compassion.

"Why, because I would love my children enough to want to teach them how to control their animal natures?"

(Sullen silence.)

"You are such an asshole."

"Does this mean that you're not going to be licking my balls later?


1 Comments:

Blogger Ben said...

Wow, it's almost like you were there. Especially her "utmost empathy and compassion."

And it was a rimjob I was shooting for, NOT ball-licking, get it straight, Zane.

4:19 AM  

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