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Friday, March 11, 2005

Changes

Last night when I was riding my sister's bike home from work, I slowed down to stop at a stoplight, as all good bike-riders do. As I slowed, I heard a car accelerate behind me. I turned around to see an ugly yellow truck coming dangerously close to me. A scraggly-haired kid was behind the wheel; his driving companion was an overweight girl wearing a pink shirt.

I recognized the shirt from a shop window I'd passed by days before. It featured a picture of two monkeys. One of the monkeys had its mouth open, and the words "BLAH BLAH BLAH" were written in a word balloon above its head. The other monkey had his fingers in his ears. The caption on the shirt said "Totally not listening".

When I stopped at the light, the kid edged his truck closer and closer to me, to the point that he was almost touching the rear wheel of the bike. I turned around and looked at him. The fat girl was giggling. I turned back around. He honked the horn. I turned around to glare at him again, and I gave him the finger. The light turned green.

I moved to the side so he could pass me, and just as he did, the fat girl gave me the finger, and with a defiant look, mouthed the words "Fuck you" to me. I assumed they were going to drive off down the street, but instead they turned into McDonald's, which was directly after the light. Oh sweet, sweet opportunity, I thought. I fantasized about smashing the window with a helmet-guarded headbutt, and then bitch-slapping the kid into submission, laughing maniacally all the while.

They'd pulled into the order-speaker, and the kid looked like he was making up his mind. The fat girl sat there looking forward, expressionless. I pulled the bike up right next to the window of the truck. The girl didn't notice me, so I stood there waiting for her to turn towards me. She finally turned and saw me, startled.

click

"FUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!" I yelled at her, my breath leaving fog on the window of the truck. I timed it perfectly. I started yelling the exact moment she turned, and the look on her face and the squeal that came out of her mouth was absolutely priceless, and totally worth it. She pulled away from the window, and after getting over the initial shock and upon realizing what happened, stammered "F-f-uck you!" before turning around quickly.

I laughed to myself and rode home.

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