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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

A friend of mine made what I thought was a good point the other day regarding relationships.

"Don't bother with the second date," he said, "unless you're smiling uncontrollably the day after the first date. A girl who doesn't make me want to hug my pillow whilst grinding my hips and laughing just at the thought of her isn't worth my time."

I don't know if I take his comment literally, but what was most valuable for me was the idea of not wasting any time with girls who you know aren't right for you.

I mentioned the advice to another friend.

"So what he's saying is that first impressions are the most important? I don't know whether I buy that."

I considered his thoughts.

"You can find stinkers right away," he continued, "but there is a lot to understand about the good ones."

"That's true," I said. "I guess what I should be looking out for are the promising ones. I mean, there were warning signs about KB from the moment I met her--I should've just abandoned ship."

"I don't know--"

I interrupted him. "The message I picked up, whether he meant it or not, was that I should stop wasting my time with stupid girls. That, obviously, is good advice."

"Yeah. Like, I think (1) that love isn't a "magic" thing and (2) that it's never that easy. Also--all that glitters is not gold. And consider it from the reverse perspective--do you think you are always "on" the first time you meet a girl? Do you ever think that a girl grows on you?"

"Yeah, girls always grow on me. I had the urge to ditch Samantha at the very beginning, but it turned out very good, during the relationship at least. But I had the urge to ditch that nightmare of a girl I was seeing before I left after the first time too. . ."

"The ones that grow on you, I think, more important than the ones that are explosive."

I left the conversation more lost than before. My first friend's advice was helpful to me in that it forced me to re-think how lax my standards often are when giving a girl "a chance". But after that second conversation, I became convinced that it's very true that you won't always recognize the possibilities for a good relationship at the very beginning. (What's that thing they always say about getting to know the other person first before becoming romantically involved?) From where I sit now, it seems like there's no real way to determine who will be a good match--you've really just got to take it on a case-by-case basis.


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