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Thursday, March 24, 2005

I was reading Dan Savage's Savage Love column:

There is only one thing in my mind that is not perfect about my girlfriend: the area around her anus is very hairy. I feel uncomfortable mentioning it to her as it could make her extremely self-conscious, but it does bother me a great deal. My questions are these: 1. Should I even bring it up? 2. And if so, how would you suggest I do so without hurting her feelings or making her feel uncomfortable? 3. Finally, how do you recommend removing hair in such a sensitive area?

-Hairy Met Sally

Seems like a fair question. What did Savage reply?
1. Sure.

2. The best approach in a delicate situation like this, HMS, is to use "I" statements. "I" statements will allow you to express how you feel about your girlfriend's hairy anus without putting her on the defensive. So don't say, "Your hairy anus is revolting." Instead say, "I think your hairy anus is revolting." Also, humor could help to dispel tension, i.e., "Hey, when did they start making thongs out of dead ferrets?"

3. Duct tape--put it on, rip it off.

"Who dates hairy anus girl?" Lan asked after reading Savage's response.

"I guess it can be a surprise sometimes," I said.

"How can it be a surprise? I can spot a hairy anus a mile away!"

"I guess there's the old "Hairy or no!?!" routine1, but that can get uncomfortable," I said.

"For whom?!" Lan wondered.

"Well," I said. "For your hand--it would probably stink after trying to probe a hairy anus."

"God. Just ask."

There was a pause, and I realized how hungry I was getting. "Damn, I'm hungry," I said. "Hungry for hairless female anus."

"The nutritional value of that as a meal is negligible."

"Now who's being naive?" I asked.

"Not me. I'm not trying to buy a jar of anuses to pepper my cereal with."

1The old "Hairy or No!?!" routine is a routine in which, when wanting to know how much hair a girl has on her nether-regions, you shove your hand down a girl's pants and yell out "Hairy or no!?!"


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