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Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Parable:
In hell, the parable goes, there is plenty of the finest gourmet food available to everyone in the kingdom. But, alas, the residents all have long forks and spoons attached to their arms: so long that while they can reach the feast: they cannot place any of the aromatic food in their own mouths. They cannot feed themselves. So they live grimly in a desperate state of hunger.

In heaven likewise the banquet tables are laden with the finest and most succulent of victuals. In heaven, too, each arm has a long spoon or fork that extends far beyond the hand. So far that no individual can feed him or herself.

But in heaven, in contrast to hell, the people are of cheer and well fed. For in heaven, the people feed one another. (Emphasis added.)

Many people have heard the parable of the people with long forks and spoons attached to their arms, but few know the origins of the tale, and what really happened.

We were all sitting around at the banquet table one evening to enjoy another meal of succulent victuals. Suddenly, as happens almost every night, we realized that there was going to be a problem.

"Dammit!" the King said. "We've all got these damned long forks and spoons attached to our arms! Whose idea was this?!"

We soon realized that if we didn't figure something out, we would starve. Suddenly, hope came.

"If we feed each other with the long spoons and forks, we won't go hungry!" cried out one of the smallest, poorest, cutest children. He looked not unlike a really cute puppy.

"Yeah!" the people cried, "teamwork is the answer!"

We immediately set upon the task of feeding each other from across the table with the long spoons.

"Hey!" the King called out after a few minutes, "the food keeps falling off the damned spoon! And how am I supposed to cut the turkey with a long fork?"

"Fuck this shit," said the Prince, "I'm just going to eat it like a pig in a trough. If anyone gets in my way, I'll kick 'em in the throat."

"But wait!" the very small, very poor, very cute child interrupted again, "maybe we can try teamwork another way! Feeding each other with our feet, for ex-accgghk."

The Prince kicked the puppy-child in the throat and dug into some mashed potatoes. In all the ruckus, the small, poor, cute child was eaten, but no one really gave a crap because after all, he was poor.



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