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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Arthur, my personal trainer keeps trying to get me to buy extra shit from him: more sessions, supplements, water bottles, towels, gloves, workout gear, accessories, etc.

I already got through the most difficult part--signing up for a membership at a gym. There's an incredible amount of pressure involved in this activity; there are so many packages and options, and they make you feel like scum if you get the cheapest one. Not to mention that when you get into the gym, you look around and start thinking to yourself 'Yeah, I could start coming to the gym five days a week! Look at that guy over there; he looks fit. That could be me!' I begin to wonder why they say Americans are so fat when everyone here is running on a treadmill.

And when you're talking to the sales guy, who is inevitably wearing track pants and a polo shirt, you automatically start believing that being in the best shape of your life is your number one goal and you should do everything in your power to achieve it. As an experienced gym-goer, I managed to resist most of the add-ons, and selected a pretty basic package. Luckily for me, it was on sale, and came with a few personal trainer sessions, which brings me back to Arthur. Every time I see him, he asks me if I've bought the supplements yet.

"Get those supplements yet?" he'll ask. "It's really important that you get that multi-vitamin. And that protein. And that volumizer. It'll do a lot for your workout. Another client of mine? He gained 85 pounds on his bench press and twelve pounds of muscle. Incredible. Make sure you mention my name when you buy the supplements." He smiles as he puts the products into my hands. I slowly put them back on the shelf as I ask interested questions with no real intention of ever buying this stuff.

Today was our second-to-last session, and when he suggested signing up for an additonal six, I wondered what it would be like if I didn't make up an excuse or act like I really wanted to if it weren't for various external forces shackling me towards the negative.

"What you'll want to do is get six more sessions. They're on sale now, so it's six for the price of five. Only $299. This'll really help your workout when it starts to plateau. You don't want to plateau."

I looked at him for a minute, and thought about what to say.

"No," I said. "I don't want any more sessions."

"Uh . . . " he said.

"Let me know when you get those free nutrition packs in," I added, and then walked out the door. Then I went home and posed in front of the mirror.


Blogger Anne Porter said...

Yay! The pressure from the ridiculous beefy gym rats is off!

1:52 AM  
Blogger Christopher Zane said...

I hope he doesn't try to crush my skull with his bicep tomorrow morning.

3:22 AM  

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