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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Me and Bill Gates are Tight

It was a long and arduous process, but I am finally ready to endorse a search engine.

Reaching this decision was difficult for me, but I feel confident in my selection, and I hope that my legions of followers will abandon their typical online search habits, and follow my recommendations.

In third place is the popular Web tool, Ask Jeeves. Jeeves was chosen not just for his snappy dress, but the fact that when searching the phrase "Life of Zane", this blog appears second overall. It lost points, however, because when searching simply the word "Zane", this blog didn't appear until much later. You scraped by, Jeeves. Get your act together.

In second place is the search engine for Yahoo. Yahoo brought itself up to second when it was discovered that by simply searching for the name "Christopher Zane", this blog appeared first, ahead of an apparently well-known bike retailer and public speaker by the same name. When searching for "Life of Zane", I come in second to some Website about Duct Tape marketing. I am not joking.

Finally, coming in head and shoulders above the rest is MSN's search engine. A simple Web search of the word "Zane" brings the blog you are currently reading to an impressive third-place showing, behind the stock information for a company called Zannett (Nasdaq SC: ZANE), who is down 5.83% today (probably somehow due to being in front of this blog in search results--think about that CEO of Zannett), and the IMDB entry for Billy Zane, that asshole who famously played some asshole in the movie Titanic. What is most impressive about MSN's bold choice in putting this blog so high up on their search results is that this blog appears ahead of Sites such as zane.com, zanestate.edu, and all information about the black author Zane. A search for "Life of Zane" brought me in at first place, ahead of some guy who has a blog with a similar title to mine, and everything else with that phrase in it. These results can only help the investors of Big Zane Dog Bonds, which will be put on the market soon. Make an appointment with your investment banker to find out more.

The Award for Totally Sucking in Terms of Position of My Blog goes to Google, who, when searching for "Life of Zane" doesn't have me until the second page, and after browsing 35 pages of results, doesn't have me at all in their results for "Zane."

So big up to Billy Gates, who is a man who obviously appreciates quality over quantity. If bank account and placement of good blogs on his search engine is any indicator of penis size (and I think we all know it is), he is hung like John Holmes.

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