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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Jack of All Trades

"Hey, stop at Jack in the Box," said DM. "I'm fuckin' hungry as hell."

I wasn't hungry, and I hate fast food, but I did it anyway.

"Give me two Jumbo Jacks, a Sourdough Jack, and two tacos," he said when we had pulled up to the speaker. He looked at me as I moved up to the window. "Hey, you got any money?"

"What? No! You don't have any money?"

"Nah, man."

"Then what the hell are we doing here?"

"I'll work something out."

"Like what? You're gonna sweet talk the Jack in the Box lady?"

"Hold on." He rummaged through his backpack, and pulled something out. "I got these Lifesavers."

"Lifesavers? You can't buy food with candy. This isn't the barter system. It isn't the fucking--the fucking 60s."

"Shut up, I'll work it out."

"That's $8.62," said the impatient-looking black girl in the window. Her nails were long and aqua-blue and had a small rhinestone in the upper-right corner of each nail.

"Hey, I don't got no money, but I got these Lifesavers," DM said, holding the candy across my lap so she could see.

"Whatcho wanna trade you some Lifesavers for some burgers?"

"And some tacos."

I tried unsuccessfully to turn myself invisible.

"How many you got?"

"I got like three-and-a-half packs."

"Just gimme the three and you can get you some burgers, but you can't get no tacos for three packs." She snorted derisively, as if it was absurd to expect anything more than two Jumbo Jacks and a Sourdough Jack for three packs of Lifesavers. "What kind you got?"

"I got regular, Wint-O-Green, and Butter Rum."

"Aight, gimme them candies and I get you some burgers."

I couldn't believe it was actually going to work.

"Same time," DM said.

"What?" she said in that black-girl way. Shut up, you know what I'm talking about.

"Just--same time," said DM.

"Aight, muthafucka." She handed out a bag, and I grabbed it and passed it over to DM. He gave me the candy, and I passed it over to her. She shut the window promptly. I drove off, and DM opened the bag and ripped into his first jumbo jack.


Blogger Ben said...

Did that really happen!? Fuk yeah!

2:19 PM  
Blogger Cibbuano said...

no, it didn't happen.

Lying Zane.

otherwise, it would mean chaos in the streets.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Christopher Zane said...

This just in: chaos in the streets due to barter at a local Jack in the Box!

Or is it becuase we lost the World Cup?

7:35 PM  
Blogger Ben said...


Sport announcer after the game vs Ghana: "Only here at the World Cup can you see this sort of equality, where even a might giant can be brought down by the smallest of nations."


World cheers as "evil nation USA" is brought down.

Complete destruction of world civilization and monetary system as China turns us all into slaves.

Soon EVERYONE will know that you can't get tacos AND burgers for life-savers. Sorta like how out ancestors knew exactly how many chickens for a cow.

2:57 PM  

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