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Saturday, August 19, 2006

Buñuel, Bouquet, Amour

I've become obsessed lately with making my own salsa. Fresh jalapeños, fresh onion, fresh cilantro--the result is a better-tasting salsa than any other I've had, but that could be the pride of the chef talking.

It was with a fresh batch of salsa and a new bag of corn chips that I sat down to watch Luis Buñuel's 1977 film Cet obscur objet du désir two nights ago. The movie is basically about a man who becomes madly infatuated with a young woman, Conchita, who loves him, but refuses to "give herself" to him. Interestingly, Buñuel had two different actresses play the role of Conchita. One of those actresses was Carole Bouquet, who was devastatingly aloof and sexy.

I'll admit it. About halfway through the movie, I found myself so turned on by Bouquet's portrayal of Conchita that I paused the movie, went into my bedroom, and masturbated. Having completed that, I returned to the couch and put the movie back on. It was only a second later that I noticed it.

At first it was like a tingling itch. I absentmindedly scratched myself, but it didn't help. A few moments later I was howling and tearing my shorts off, desperately trying to figure out why my genitals felt like they had been slathered in Ben Gay. I quickly stripped, ran to the shower, and turned the water on cold, hoping to ease the pain. It was in the midst of this action that I realized--the jalapeños. The chipotle. Of course.

If you weren't already aware of it, Texas is hot in the summertime. So hot in fact that taking a legitimately cold shower isn't always possible--the heat makes the pipes so warm that even water from the cold tap comes out at about 90 degrees. The warm water wasn't doing much to ease the burning, so I skittered to the kitchen and put some ice in a plastic bag. After drying off, I put my shorts back on, rested the bag of ice in my shorts, and finished the movie. The ice served more than one purpose--any urge to head to my bedroom again was quickly stifled. Great movie, by the way.

6 Comments:

Blogger Madge DoRightly said...

Aaaaahahahahahahaha!

10:45 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Similar thing happened to me a few days ago. Was eating Mex-Mex, limes limes limes, you know how it goes. Eat, done, go to the bathroom, zip, whizz, shake shake shake, zip, wash hands, check hair, done.

About an hour later, I'm shifting and squirming, it's getting worse and worse, yyyyaaaaahH!HHH.

Lime juice. Trace amounts. Lime juice plus heat = some wikkid shit.

Careful. Wash your hands before AND after you take a leak.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Cibbuano said...

we've all done that. Me? It was suicide hot wings and going to the bathroom.

Zane, I say if a movie doesn't end with chemical burns on your genitals, it's not worth the five stars.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Cibbuano said...

This is going to be a little nsfw, but Zane likes it like that. Consider yourself warned.

Once I was having sex with this girl that I had made dinner for. I forgot that I'd cut up these chilis and we were going at it doggy style, and I thought I'd put a thumb in her ass.

She started going buckwild, and I took my thumb out to get a proper grip, but she barked at me to put it back in. She was bumping back into me and grinding me like corn flour.

After it was over, she told me that my hands were spicy.

'Oh shit, I forgot! Sorry...'

'What are you talking about?' she replied, 'That was AM-azing...'

so, chili = good, sometimes.

11:31 PM  
Blogger D to tha L I C T said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:54 AM  
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12:20 AM  

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