I found myself at the mall yesterday. Victoria's Secret was having a sale, and HA wanted to take advantage. Although I hate the mall, I had a hard time thinking of any reason not to be an audience for her as she tried on new underwear.
When we got there, we found that the sale was on its last day, and the only remaining sale items were either (a) enormous (b) made entirely of pearls/beads/rhinestones or (c) neon green. We left, and decided to browse other stores.
"We should go to ______," HA said. "They have these skirts I want to look at."
Three girls were in the store folding shirts when we walked in. No customers. "Guys, if you try on any of our denim, you get a free movie ticket," announced the round one. "That's any of the denim in the whole store. All you have to do is try it on! Wanna check it out?"
I didn't say anything, figuring that the only catch was that she'd try to pressure me into buying the jeans when I was done. It's not that I can't handle that, it's just that I didn't really want to deal with the confrontation for a movie ticket.
"Sure," HA said. "The sale denim is included in that?"
"Yeah," the taller clerk answered, "but if all you have to do is try it on, you might as well check out the new stuff, huh?"
"Hm," HA said dubiously. We browsed a little. They didn't have the skirts she wanted, so we finally decided to just go ahead and try on the jeans, take the tickets, and leave. At this point it wasn't even really an option; we were expected to try on jeans. Why wouldn't you just try the jeans on? That's all you have to do! We'll
give you a movie ticket!
The idea of trying to skip the middle step crossed my mind. Why not ask the clerk to just give
us the tickets, and spare us the headache? I knew I wasn't going to buy any jeans, so why waste the promotion on me? In fact, don't even bother with the tickets. Just let us out of here.
"I'm a 34x32," I said, "just give me whatever you have."
The jeans looked pretty good on me; luckily they were the kind I hate, and the kind everyone is wearing these days. The ones that look like they were soaked in raw beef and drug through an alligator pit a few dozen times. I took off the jeans, redressed, and met HA, who was waiting for me, jeans in hand.
I was planning on laying this big dramatic guilt trip on the round clerk if she tried to pressure me. 'You mean you only asked me to try on jeans to buy them?' I would lament to her. 'Well, I thought the deal was that all you had to do was try them on. Now you're trying to get me to buy jeans . . . well I just didn't expect this.' I would act very disappointed in her, I decided.
"Here are your movie tickets," the round clerk said to us. In the same breath she added "So how did those work out for you today?" Cleverly worded. I bet it was in the promotional pamphlet.
"No go," I said, handing them back to her and taking my ticket.
"How about for you?" she asked HA.
"Me either," HA said, pocketing hers.
"Oh," the round clerk said. Pause. "I see. Well. How about those skirts?" No pressure, just ice-cold bitchiness.
"No, you guys didn't really have what I was looking for."
"Hm." She returned to her folding. She was through with us.
We began walking out. "Hey, did you guys find some denim?" the tall clerk asked as we were halfway out.
"No," we both said.
"Huh." She glared at us as if we had just taken a shit on her wedding cake.
Almost to the door, the third clerk, totally oblivious, smiled and told us to have a great day.
Anyone seen any good movies lately?