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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Jew nose

I think it might be a good idea for me to write a movie treatment of a parody of the movie Juno, which I will call Jew Nose. The movie would begin with a teenage girl taking a test that tells her that she'll develop a giant Jew nose over the next nine months. After she decides to keep the Jew nose instead of giving it up for adoption, the movie would chronicle the highs, lows, and quirky conversation of her experience.

Friday, December 28, 2007

J works at a huge book retailer.

"I never work up front, because I can't deal with people. But the other day, I was restocking some Shakespeare, and this woman came up to me asked me if we had Macbeth. We do, so I showed it to her, pointing out that we had three different versions. Then she asked me if we had it as an audiobook. We do, but I had to tell her it was in another section. But here's the fucked up part: Then she asked me if we had anything read by the author."

I laughed.

"This is why I don't like working with the public. I almost yelled at her, but it was just too funny. The stupid thing is that like 20 minutes later, while I was still restocking the Shakespeare, another girl, college age, asked me what the best English translation of Taming of the Shrew was."

File that one under "Sounds Too Good To Be True," but it's still pretty funny.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

[From Ben] Sleevage does reviews of album covers. In response, and in celebration of the holidays, here's one you probably won't find anywhere else:

(Click for larger version.)

It's the Holiday Memories from Burger King album from 1991! And it's got all your favorite Christmas tunes:

- "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year," Andy Williams
- "The Little Drummer Boy," Air Supply
- "Silent Night, Holy Night" BeBe & CeCe Winans

These are available for upload if anyone is interested.

Interesting things to note:

- Whites, blacks, Hispanics, and Asians are all represented here. What are they all doing having Christmas dinner together? Burger King seems to have made a solid attempt at representing all racial groups, but there are still more white people than anyone else.
- Where are the Pacific Islanders?
- The kid on the right side: Is he Hispanic or Asian? One of the Hispanic women is looking at him lovingly, and the Asians are ignoring him, so I assume he's Hispanic.
- That brings me to another point. This picture looks totally doctored--or as doctored as you can get pre-Photoshop. I have a strong suspicion that these people were all photographed separately and then added in to create the appearance of interracial holiday cheer.
- That's one big-ass dining room.


Monday, December 10, 2007

Actual headline

The video is here.

Other groin-hitting resources are here, here, and here.
My lifelong dream will be fulfilled on April 14. I'm going to see Bruce Springsteen with my dad, and we got floor seats.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

An e-mail I got today:
I hope this email reaches you in time because I just made a special arrangement to get you $20 access to an long-awaited teleseminar on how to make your fortune from teleseminars.
Hopefully I'll soon get some spam that teaches me how to make a fortune from spamming people.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

To recap:

Spice 1: Shot.
Pimp C: Dead, probably from purple drank.
Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot: Dead.

When will these rappers learn?

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What I want to know is, why isn't anyone talking about the shooting of Spice 1?