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Friday, December 28, 2007

J works at a huge book retailer.

"I never work up front, because I can't deal with people. But the other day, I was restocking some Shakespeare, and this woman came up to me asked me if we had Macbeth. We do, so I showed it to her, pointing out that we had three different versions. Then she asked me if we had it as an audiobook. We do, but I had to tell her it was in another section. But here's the fucked up part: Then she asked me if we had anything read by the author."

I laughed.

"This is why I don't like working with the public. I almost yelled at her, but it was just too funny. The stupid thing is that like 20 minutes later, while I was still restocking the Shakespeare, another girl, college age, asked me what the best English translation of Taming of the Shrew was."

File that one under "Sounds Too Good To Be True," but it's still pretty funny.


Blogger Ben said...

Somewhat related story:

Sitting in a auto shop waiting on my car. Lady sits next to me, asks what I'm reading, it's a theology book. "A what?" I explain, "A book that sort of lays out different ideas about God." She nodded with understanding, "Oh, like Martin Luther." A small tremor of revulsion passed over me, though she was right, "Yes, exactly like that." She smiled, "You know, it's a good thing he wrote the New Testament, otherwise people wouldn't know about God at all!"

2:03 PM  
Blogger Christopher Zane said...


Right when I think that people couldn't be that dumb, I'm proven wrong via multiple second-hand stories.

Martin Luther, what a heathen.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

And another one:

I was helping a friend out by working in his Catholic books store for the day. A lady comes in and asks if we have any special incense to burn to get rid of bad karma. "Wwwell, we don't believe in karma, and I don't think we have incense, that's mostly just for worship services."

I asked if she was Catholic, she said yes, and I suggested that perhaps instead she might like to buy a small picture of a saint, so that if she was feeling that she was having problems, she could see the picture and think about the life that the saint lived, and thus be inspired by the saint's good example.

She said she didn't "believe in superstition things like saints."

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On a related note my dad says that karma = believing the world is flat.


3:57 PM  
Anonymous Cibbuano said...

I wish I had a religion-themed anecdote to add.

The best I can come up with: I used to go to church once a year for the christmas service... it was for my parents to show their face more than anything else.

The service wasn't in English, so I'd always tune out. There'd be a small part in English for the kids. It'd always be the same message:

"Dear children. Lovely, lovely children. I know you think Christmas is about presents and Santa Claus. But you always forget, Christmas is about Jesus Christ!"

Then 5 minutes later, Santa would come through the door, one of the church dudes, dark-skinned and uncomfortable, handing out candy canes to the kids.

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Cibbuano said...

No, wait, another one. Or have I written this down before?

In Sydney, a lady knocked on my door early one morning. She was a Jehovah's Witness, using the idea of the escalating Sydney house prices to try and convince me to join the church.

'God promised a home for everyone! Can you imagine that?'

Then she saw my girlfriend, who's Asian. She looked at me, all dark-skinned.

'How do you two talk to each other?'

I was mildly offended. 'We speak in English,' I stated curtly.

'No, I mean the other language. What's the other language?'

I seethed and started to bubble with anger, very nearly letting loose a torrent of vile words. I know she was just curious, but I've got a short fuse on that subject.

10:30 PM  

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