Hillary Clinton just lost the Democratic presidential nomination. Her campaign just released its theme song--"You and I," by Celine Dion. There's a weird video that accompanies the selection in which she and Bill sit down in a diner eating carrot sticks and looking at songs. There's also a weird guy who glares at the Clintons. Maybe we'll figure out who he is in episode two?

I'm just really confused. Journey's "Don't Stop" was one of the contenders and she picked Celine Dion? She's Canadian! And she sucks! And she's totally old-lady music!

Other stuff:

- Ronald Reagan used "Born in the USA" for his 1984 campaign--until the Boss told him to stop
- Bill Clinton used "Don't Stop" for his campaign in 1992--but it was the Fleetwood Mac one
- George W. Bush used Billy Ray Cyrus and Van Halen in 2000--and nobody was surprised

Dear Ole Dad

A reader wonders: "Hey, Chris, why no blog often?"

Answer: I'm learning about recording music with my home computer. Like this song I made for my dad for Fathers' Day.

A reader listens to the song and wonders: "Hey, Chris, how come that's such a poor recording?"

Answer: I'm still learning, you jerk. I'll post more as they're finished.

Also: Joey Honey and I finally have a MySpace page! We've collaborated on a couple songs in the past, and we've been playing with remixes and stuff, so it seems about time. For some reason Rupert Murdoch has it out for us, and our songs won't upload to the page yet. Be our friend anyway.

Update: Our songs are up!

If you Google this blog, or at least my name, Christopher Zane, you're sure to come up with at least one of two things:

- Some guy who also has my name who runs a bike repair shop
- A writer of black erotic fiction who is making waves in the news lately

Punctuation Station or Questions and Answers on Writing

Hyphen [-]. and PHRASAL ADJECTIVES. “If two or more consecutive words make sense only when understood together as an adjective modifying a noun that follows, those words (excusing the noun) should be hyphenated. Thus, you hyphenate special-interest money, but only because money is part of the phrase; if you were referring to this or that special interest, a hyphen would be wrong.” (Bryan A. Garner, Garner’s Modern American Usage. Oxford University Press. 2003. 657.)

Q: How does this rule apply to the phrase “seventeen year old boys”?

A: The hyphens would be placed thusly: “seventeen-year-old boys.”

Q: What if I was talking about seventeen boys who were each a year old? Because that’s what I was talking about.

A: I see. The phrase would then be “seventeen year-old boys.”

Q: Got it.

A: Good. I’m glad.

Q: How does this rule apply to the phrase “big booty ho”?

A: Since you’re describing a ho with a big booty, it would be “big-booty ho.”

Q: What if I’m describing a booty ho who is of a larger size?

A: I challenge you to show me a situation where this occurs.

Q: Come on, seriously, it’s for school.

A: In the case of a booty ho who is of a larger size, you might simply choose to recast the sentence. For example, if the sentence was “She was a big booty ho,” you might instead write “She was big. And she was a booty ho.” Alternatively, you could choose an adjective that was less prone to fall into the colloquialism “big-booty ho,” as in: “She was a voluptuous booty ho.”

Q: That seems kind of unnatural.

A: Who’s the expert here?

Q: In this situation? Uncle Luke, I guess.

A: If you have a question about grammar or usage, please feel free to ask this guy.

Beauty tip of the day

Put lotion on your elbows. This is especially true for women. Women's elbows are like the rings on the inside of a tree trunk. If a woman looks deceptively young, one surefire way to find out a relative age range is to look at her elbows. They never lie.

For example, the woman who belongs to the elbows in the photo to the right is Heather Locklear.

Movies I watched in May:

Blood Simple, Joel Coen
Metropolitan, Whit Stillman
Spider-Man 3, Sam Raimi
7 Men From Now, Budd Boetticher
The Shop Around the Corner, Ernst Lubitsch
Jesus Camp, Heidi Ewing
After Hours, Martin Scorsese
Rashomon, Akira Kurosowa
An American in Paris, Vincente Minnelli
Brick, Rian Johnson
Flags of Our Fathers, Clint Eastwood
Letters from Iwo Jima, Clint Eastwood
Police Story, Jackie Chan
The French Connection, William Friedkin
Sullivan's Travels, Preston Sturges
The Forty-Year-Old Virgin, Judd Apatow
Ran, Akira Kurosowa
The Story of Qiu Ju, Yimou Zhang
Live Flesh, Pedro Almodóvar